12 Quirks of Teaching Karate to Tiny People

The Tiny Tot Instructor is sort of the dark horse of the instructors at the dojo. A lot of karate students don't realize this, but the Tiny Tots is probably the hardest class to teach because of its unique little quirks. Not to say the other classes aren't hard (I've taught quite a few and they make for a tough job as well,) but the "Tots" class is a little extra...special. Most of the time, it's sweet, fun and adorable. Then, there's the times when I silently resist the urge to dragon-kick the brats in their pudgy little faces (don't tell Shihan I wrote that.) Anyway, here are some little facts about my job that explain why the Tiny Tots class is unique from any other class at the dojo.

1. Only having to remember yellow belt curriculum. As a brown belt, I have over 117 basic techniques to remember. When teaching the Tiny Tots class, I only have to remember 17. Much easier on the brain.
2. Games. I am the only teacher at the dojo that gets to play duck-duck-goose with my students during class. It's awesome.
3. Having to stay on my toes. Every teacher at the dojo has a awkward moment in their class once in a while. The Tiny Tots class, however,  has issues that would make other classes look like a walk in the park. In fact, weird stuff goes on so often that nothing surprises me anymore. For example, the other day, while cleaning up after class, I spied a pair of little girls panties in a pile of hula hoops. I pointed out the hilarious discovery to my friend and fellow instructor, Ni-Kyu Katlin who just laughed and said "Congradulations, you're the Tiny Tot Instructor..."
4. Acting like a goof-ball. Something I've noticed about teaching little kids is that the more nerdy/goofy/enthusiastic I act, the more fun the kids have. I don't have to be all solemn and serious like I would have to for older kids and adults. I can yell "Okay, guys. I wanna see your very best, super ferocious, lightning speed bear-crawls AAAAALLLLLLL the way across the room. GO BEARS GO!!!" in the dorkiest, most enthusiastic voice, and somehow they still have respect for me. It's awesome.
5. "Teach-uh. I drew this for yooooou." My bedroom door is plastered with little kid drawings given to my sister and I by the Tots.
6. Belt Testing. I do 100% of the stripe and belt testing for my kids. While it's a lot of extra work, I always get to know exactly where each students is in their training, learn their individual strengths and weakness, and give them each the personalized teaching that will help them the most. This also allows me to work the classes around what the kids need at the time as well as get to know my kids better personally, which leads us to point number 7...
7. Tiny Tot Wuv. I only have a little over ten students at a time and get to really know them all. I get to be a friend as well as a teacher. This is also a quirk that qualifies as awesome.
8. Belt Frenzy. For some reason, belts fly off three year olds like cinnamon rolls off a tray at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Most tots lack any ability to tie, adjust, or tighten a karate belt themselves, so after two seconds of running around, the mat is covered in a mess of belts. Rather then constantly be re-tying them, we usually just make a big pile and re-distribute them at the end of class.
9. Owies. Little "owies" are always either one of two things: heartbreaking or dang annoying. Sometimes kids get genuinely hurt and whimper and cry. I don't mind taking time to comfort and care for them. Then, there's the kids that get barely bopped in head and start screaming bloody murder. Three words to describe these incidents: NOT GOOD TIMES.
10. "Did you remember to wash your hands?" It's important to ask every kid this before they return from a potty-break. It's also important to learn how to detect liars.
11. General Little Kid Awesomeness. Kids do and say lots of crazy random cute stuff. Here's an example:

Me: Do we use our karate on our brother or sister if they're making us mad?
Tots In Unison: NO!!
Me: Do we use our karate on a stranger that grabs you?
Tots: YES!!
Me: Do we use our karate on our friends at school?
Tots: NO!!
Me: Do we use our karate when a grown-up touches us in a way we don't want to be touched?
Tots: YES!
Me: Do we use our karate to show-off so our friends think we're soooo cool?
Tots: NO!!
Jesse: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

12.   Dumbing stuff down. No kid under six is going to understand "Use a full-pivot, ball of the foot roundhouse kick to the floating rib. A shard from a shattered floating rib can puncture a lung and is a devastating attack." Better to ask them to "Do a really big high kick!!" Earlier this week, I forget my bag gloves and broke the skin on my knuckles during kickboxing class. Andrew asked me what was wrong with my hands. Rather than going into a long explanation with lots of detail (Andrew's an inquisitive little guy with lots of questions,) I responded with "This is what happens when you do karate way too hard."